The 'Burbs
So I just had my first Dammit, I'm a City Kid! moment here in sunny suburbia.
You see, growing up we never had a lawn. Well, we did, but it was about 2' x 6', literally. So that didn't exactly require a lawn mower. Mostly, our neighbor who was a professional gardener just weed-wacked it from time to time.
Anyway, this evening I got out of class early (the professor decided that we were ahead of schedule, so he skipped the lecture and just gave us the quiz - awesome!), so I came home and decided to be productive by mowing the lawn. So I got out of my work clothes, dragged the mower out of the garage, and then, in full view of the neighbor lady who was outside on the phone, proceeded to have trouble starting the damn thing. Mildly embarassed, I gave it a couple I'll-pretend-I-know-anything-about-engines once-over and then tried again.
Nothing.
Okay, so now I wheeled the thing out of her view, and proceeded to check the oil. It was fine. Then I checked the gasoline. Hmm, I thought, gasoline doesn't normally have tiny little bubbles in it. That most be what they're talking about when they say don't use stale gas. So I went back to the garage, got the gas can, and proceeded to pour in new gas. I then promptly overfilled the tank and spilled gas on the mower. Dammit. That's okay, cause gasoline evaporates quickly.
So I screwed the gas cap back on tightly, and decided to wait a few minutes. Well, while I'm waiting, how about I check the underside of the mower, just in case something is stuck in the blade? So I tilted the mower over, and cleaned out some clumps of grass. Excellent. Now, let's turn her back over. Oh shit! Gas has now spilled out of the overfilled (remember?) tank. It's all over the engine and there's a puddle on the ground.
So at this point, I figured I ought to get the hose and dilute the spilled gas on the ground. But, trying to play it cool, I decided to water the petunias, rain lillies, and boxwood bushes. That done, I sprayed down the driveway to dilute the spilled gas (which has mostly evaporated already). Down the drain (and into Lake Michigan!) went the last of the gasoline.
Now I looked at the mower. The gas on the engine appeared to be evaporated. But it still smelled of gas. Dare I start it and risk igniting the entire damn thing? I hemmed and hawed for several minutes, crouching thoughtfully by the mower, trying hard to look like I knew what I was doing. Finally, I decided to just chicken out.
Defeated, I went inside to burn some CDs and write this post. The computer! There's a machine I know how to use.
5 comments:
Eh, don't feel bad. I'm as suburban as they come and I've never touched a lawnmower in my life. That's what happens when you have a father who'd rather hire Mexicans to do it, I guess.
My wife used to do her lawn, so when we one day move into a house, I guess I'll get a lesson in it. Unless we can afford to hire some Mexicans of our own, of course.
And we have a winner for least politically correct post!
Unfortunately, there's no prize. Unless, of course, someone from La Raza finds out and starts protesting this site and asking for an apology.
Honestly, though, it's true. I don't know if it's the same everywhere, but at least around here, pretty much EVERY landscaper is Mexican. And if saying something that's perfectly true (with no negative intent behind it) is wrong, then I don't want to be right.
Anyway, stop being such a touchy oversensitive Jew. If the Mexicans cared enough to want to defend themselves, they'd put down their tacos and lawnmowers and do it!
Well, I can't say it's the same in Milwaukee, but in California pretty much any job in landscaping, construction, restaurants, or agriculture is as likely to be held by a Mexican immigrant as not.
And, to note, I'm not offended by noting things that are true. But some activist-type groups seem to go out of their way to be offended by anything.
Well, I'm offended by THEM! Yes, you heard me, activist-type groups! You offend me! What are you gonna do about it? Come and get me!
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