Oh, so it turns out that I'm not incompetent. The lawnmower engine was defective - it wasn't pulling gas from the tank. So it would start when primed but wouldn't keep going. My father-in-law and I returned the mower to Sears and got a replacement on Sunday.
Score one for the city boy.
Yes! See Pemberton's know how to do shit. We just like to make things difficult for ourselves by initially purchasing defective items.
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