Murderdeathkill, Part II
As an update to my previous post, I hereby request that my faithful reader(s) [Hold on, lemme count. Let's see ... 1 .... That's it? Shit.] submit their plan(s) for their own murders. Remember, nothing banal. The plan must be fiendish in its intricacies.
8 comments:
I'm going home in 5 minutes, but I'll be happy to provide a fiendish plan by mid-day tomorrow.
Ok, I ended up staying a bit late.
A plan to murder me, step by step:
1) Come across me on an internet mailing list.
2) Chat with me often, to the point where I fall in love.
3) Marry me.
4) Take out a $250,000 life insurance policy on me
5) After a year and a half (to avoid suspicion), get me hooked on coffee.
6) Put small amounts of poison in the coffee. Since I don't know what coffee is supposed to taste like, I'm none the wiser.
7) When I start having stomach problems from the poison, buy me "heartburn medication", which is really just another form of poison.
8) Wait.
Wait. I just realized something! THAT is EXACTLY what Marisa's been doing! Well, until step 5, at least. Or is she going all the way to EIGHT?!?!?!? She's a devious one, that Marisa...
If you're looking for a way that YOU can murder me, might I suggest anthrax in the envelope when you give me the World Series tickets?
That plan truly is fiendish in its intricacies. I'm going to have to to buy Marisa a drink! (And by drink I mean poison, to be used in step 7 above.)
Yeah, she's a tricky one, that Marisa. You totally see her plan, and, yet, there's nothing you can do to stop it.
Of course, she's not the only one. Why do you think I became friends with Annie? I'm sure it couldn't have ANYTHING to do with using her inside access to find out your pretzel preferences. Nope, it's certianly not that.
Well, I would be a more loyal (and punctual) reader if I’d just check my LJ friends list everyday. Blogger? Mkay...
I think it'd be too easy to kill me as I'm a foodie -- I will eat food as long as it's there and even if I knew it was poisoned. Of course, I am also picky. One day I'll love and eat an entire pizza and the next day, I'm having none of that pizza crap. So the best way would be for someone to find a way to live with me and cook my meals for me.
Bombs and car crashes work too but too much collateral damage. The point is efficiency right? Collateral damage isn't -- it's more like using the sledgehammer to squash an ant.
I forgot to ask - is the post title a reference to Demolition Man? Because that's a severely underrated film.
On a related note, our movie for tomorrow, thanks to Netflix? Roadhouse. After all that hype, it better be worth it.
Yes, that's a Demolition Man reference. I saw the first half of that the last time I was in San Francisco. I liked that movie the first time I saw it years ago - I don't think it held up as well as it could have.
On a related note, remember that Roadhouse is only funny because it takes itself waaaay too seriously. You have to watch it in full irony-mode.
I haven't seen Demolition Man in a long time, now I'm afraid to watch it again, because what if it's not as entertaining as I remember? But, I mean, it was cheesy then, it must be even more cheesy now. Best line ever in a movie: "In the future, ALL restaurants are Taco Bell!"
My review of Roadhouse will be posted in a few days.
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